Is there such a thing as eloping to have a baby?

[chellebelle]

Well this will be a long one ladies...I just really need some cyber hugs and support right now. :crying:

A few weeks ago I posted the message at the bottom on another site (you can read it if you make it all the way to the bottom and still want to read lol). My parents are planning on coming for the brith of my baby. The short version is that they decided to come and stay with us for 10 days and I know they were intending on being in the delivery room too and well...I just couldn't handle the thought of houseguests for 10 days when we have no guest room and many other reasons too. I also don't want anyone but dh in the room with me so I was freaking out and asking if I should tell them I wanted them to cut their trip shorter or if I was being rude.

Well tonight I put on my big girl panties and called my dad's wife to talk to her hoping she could try and work things out with my dad or tell me how he would take it.

Oh and before I got to that dh came home and said his mom was all mad about if my parents would be here they wouldn't help out and watch our dogs and 9 yo dd etc unless they were in the room too! And tried to start some kind of fight with him over all of this for some reason. :argue:

So anyway I called my dad's wife and we had a decent chat and she said they'd do whatever they needed to do to be there for me and that it was understandable how I was feeling since I'm the one who will be in labor after all.

Well 15 minutes later she calls and says she talked to my dad and their choices are to come out or maybe not to come out at all now since it's such a long drive for only 6 or 7 days! The other times they've come to visit they have only stayed for 3 to 4 days so I don't buy they're it's too long a drive theory. So now they're getting all pouty about this. :bigcry:

Why can't everyone understand that I am nervous and scared and really need to focus in the delivery room since only 7% in my city are able to get epidurals. :omg: I did natural once before and it's not something I relish to do again!

Anyway I got so upset that I couldn't keep anything down and am just really drained and upset right now. Why can't they ALL just think about me and the baby for ONCE??? (Seriously normally I would not be so selfish as to say that but I think I definitely have a right to in this situation.) Man I want to elope, :scooter::boat: what would they call that of it's running away and having a baby instead of getting married?! LOL. (FYI we actually DID elope because of situations similar to this so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.)

Anyway sorry so long, I just need to cry on someone's shoulder besides my dh's. :blushing: Thanks for listening.



Old post:
I need some advice on what to do...my dad and step mom are planning to come and visit, they are hoping just in time for the birth of our new baby girl. Now I find out they are staying with us for 10 DAYS!!!! And I just know they will want to be in the delivery room..."helping". (I was already struggling with the thought of houseguests being here during labor. At least my mom isn't coming at the same time cuz even after 20 years of divorce they still hate eachother but expect to still both stay at my house.) I don't even start mat leave till the 29th and am due on the 1st and they're showing up the 30th!

I love them and all BUT I am extremely stressed out at the thought of having them here as houseguests before, during and after labor for 10 whole days! Am I being totally unreasonable, emotional etc? Am I wrong to be stressed out and worried? WWYD? I mean that's a long time to be staying with a family that has no room and is awaiting the birth of, or just had, a newborn baby and 2 dogs and another DD already! I just don't know what I can do. I don't want them to be mad at me...they've already made their plans and they do live like 16 hours away, but this is just not what we want...it's just too much for me to have to handle.

I saw my MIL yesterday in the store and when I started telling her I burst into tears, that's how stressed it's got me (but you know those hormones lol.) I can't even talk about it without crying. http://www.digishoptalk.com/boards/images/smilies/sad.gif

What do we do? I mean we thought we could handle it for 3 to 4 days but we never expected them to be staying for 10!!! Plus the only time off my DH will get this summer is after the baby is born and we won't be able to spend that just us together as a family now.

DH has offered to call my them and try and fix things, I don't know how...maybe trying to get them to shorten their stay but I am so scared they will be angry and just can't bring myself to even have him do it.

[ehooton]

Ugh! I feel for you, but have no advice. Consider yourself listened to, tho! I pray your situation works out for the best.

[scrappinmint]

I don't have any advice either, just wanted to say I hope things work out and they all come to their senses!

[jaye]

You are not being selfish in any way, this is a huge moment in your life and you have every right to only want your DH in the delivery room with you. Hopefully in a day or two they will realize that it is them that is being unreasonable and all will settl. Sometimes that's all it takes, a little bit of time. If you're comfortable call in a couple of days and explain that you love them dearly, want them around and are glad they are so excited to meet this new grandchild. Then let them know that you and hubby want to share this life changing moment together, just the two of you. Could be that one parent(s) is worried that they will be left out and that's why everyone's getting defensive. You could also use that, tell them that in order not to have anyone feel left out you have decided that it will just be the two of you in the delivery room.
Most importantly, take care of you. They will get over it, concentrate on the next few weeks and enjoy preparing for this newest member of your family. Good luck.

[fa11enan9e1]

Awww I'm soo sorry to hear that you're having troubles. I wish I had some quality advice for you, but really all I have to say is that you should totally have everything EXACTLY how YOU want it.

[Jennifer]

Can they stay in a hotel or something to give you a little peace?

As for the delivery room, let the nurses know that you ONLY want your husband in there with you, no other family members. They are usually pretty good about keeping everyone else out and making it "hospital policy" instead of your issue.

Good luck chickie. Maybe you'll go into labor before they all come and get to have your birth without them.

[Kami]

awww michelle! you aren't being selfish! ask mel, i was the same way. i was so scared and nervous i wouldn't let anyone come OR even call the hospital or anything! i just didn't want to jinx anything and couldn't handle the thought of being under the pressure of everyone watching me and everything. hopefully they'll come around. it's hard. you don't want to hurt anyone but you want to have your boundaries too.... i'm sorry :(

[Shauna]

chellebelle.. girl my advice is this: It's your body, your labor, your husband and YOUR baby...seems to me in this life that you can hardly EVER make everyone happy (and almost NEVER when it comes to in-laws...LOL). Now is the time to (kindly) put your foot down and let everyone know how you feel about it...hope that they respect your wishes and don't get too upset...and trust me, THIS TOO SHALL PASS... (until Christmas time when both sets of grandparents want you both there for Christmas morning! LOL! But that's another fight...)

The only thing that would keep me out of the labor room for my girls would be the fact that they wanted me in the waiting room... this day is about YOU, YOUR family (dh, dd and new baby girl) and everyone else will need to respect that...

Just my :2cents:

Good luck and I can't wait to see some baby pictures!!!

[proverbswoman]

. this day is about YOU, YOUR family (dh, dd and new baby girl) and everyone else will need to respect that...

Just my :2cents:

Good luck and I can't wait to see some baby pictures!!!


I agree with Shauna 100%. Giving birth is stressful enough as it is, and you shouldn't have to worry about a ton of other stuff at the same time. Good luck -- my thoughts and prayers are with you!

[tsavoie11]

It's really sad when family members are too worried about how "they" will feel about decisions that YOU make about YOUR birth. I was worried about people in the labor room too, so you know what I told them, "Look, this isn't a circus. After the baby is born, you are more than welcome to see her but during labor there are things (and places, LOL) that I don't think you need to be a part of!"

And, the nurses WILL tell your family members that it's hospital policy...they did that for me! They are there for yours and your baby's best interest. So, good luck and try not to stress out too much, things usually seem to work out!

[chellebelle]

Thanks so much gals! It's so frustrating to have to be in the middle of all of this when I'm already stressed about it KWIM? BUT that's why I decided to tell them rather than scream bad bad words during the actual delivery at them. ;)

As for a hotel, that would be a no go, to expensive. I just didn't want to entertain and cook and worry about houseguests for 10 whole days (and visitors in the delivery room), cutting that in half would be easier for me to handle.

I did make a mention that my MIL was upset and they said well she has no right to be "you are ours and she shouldn't be taking this away from you" talking about having them in the delivery room. So I did have to set them straight on that point that I really didn't want anyone in there. Our hospital only lets 2 people in (I told the that while ago hoping they'd take the hint) but I guess they expected my DH and then the 2 of them would trade off...I don't know.

Oh well, at least it's done, ball is in their court and if they choose to pout and not come and see our new baby then so be it. Unfortunately these are things we have to go through with family I guess.

And I TOTALLY have been telling this little girl non stop for weeks that she HAS to come early lol just so I could avoid this all together...unfortunately I think she's very comfy in there heehee so we'll just have to wait and see.

Thanks again for listening, it's nice to know that I am not so alone in all this. :thankyou:

[Aussiegirl]

I'm sorry that all of this is so upsetting to you. Especially now, when you need to be focusing on your soon to be new little one. It is not selfish of you to feel the way you do, or to have told them what you did. I didn't want anyone but my husband in the delivery room either. I allowed my family to come visit afterwards and that was great. If they have to be at the hospital, let htem wait in the waiting area, and then they can come see you and the new baby when you are ready (no sooner). Make it a point to let your nurses know this too. They are there for you and to help you. If you get nice ones, they should be able to help you out in that way.

As for them staying 10 days. If they do come, it may end up being a blessing. My mom stayed for 2 weeks with all 4 of our girls. It was a huge help. She helped make meals, clean, take care of the other kids, help with doctors appointments (remember sometimes when they are first born, they have to see the doctor quite a bit). It was wonderful! She came with the knowledge that she was not necessarily my "guest", but there to help out where she was needed! Even if it meant running to the store, or doing laundry. It really was a blessing to me.

I would let them know that it would be that way with them. They would be there as working guests, and if they don't like that idea, then they don't need to come. It's up to them. You haven't done anything wrong. Right now, your hormones are working over time. And they are excited to see the new little one.

Don't worry about upsetting anyone but yourself at this time. Do what is best for you and your family. Hopefully they will come around and understand your feelings regarding this. I'll be praying for you and the whole situation!

[Neverland Scraps]

I dont know what to say other than I hope it all works out in the end you have a healthy baby and that both you and the baby are fine! ((hugs))

[chellebelle]

Thanks! I still haven't heard back from them but you know I have just decided that I did what I needed to do and whatever they decide is on them, it's not my fault if they decide they no longer want to come because they can't be in the delivery room. I feel better now at least that I told them what I need and we can go on from there. It would be nice if I *knew* that I could count on them helping vs me entertaining them etc but I am pretty sure it would not end up that way and I don't want hard feelings.

Oh well, at least I learned that with my girls (in many years to come hopefully) I will try and make this time for them as stress free as I can and let her and her dh decide what they want to happen and just be there for them without my own agenda...now to keep that in mind for at least 15 years lol! :lolt: